Wishful thinking

It was my 2.3years old son’s first day at school today. It’s a playschool located a few kilometers away from home where I’ve finally gotten him admitted as the first step to reclaim my life as I knew it quite a while back. Though I know that nothing I do can make things the same as the kidless days but  then who wants that either? All I’m asking for is a couple of peaceful hours in the morning that makes one feel like a human being and not a programmed machine with canned set of facial and verbal expressions. 🙂

Ansh was away in the class for about an hour while I waited in the lobby with other anxious parents. Each time we heard a wail, our eyes hovered around the door trying to see whose kid was that. For some reason, they all sounded the same for that one hour. Call it sadistic pleasure or a feeling of community relief, but being surrounded by parents whose kids are also wailing along with yours in the same class is comforting. Just the knowledge that they all are suffering from the same kind of  anxiety and helplessness helped me keep a straight face throughout the waiting time.

It’s a strange mix of joy and sadness that I feel. He is a big school going boy now – makes my heart swell, I’m going to get a couple of hours of much-needed ‘me-time’ each morning gives me a hundred ideas but at the same time I’m unable to overlook the fact that the cycle has finally started..the cycle of kids spending time outside of home on their own without actually needing the parents. The duration of this out-of-home time in only going increase over the years. I can’t wait to see my toddler grow up and liberate me from the 24×7 mommy duties but when it actually is happening, I feel these strange flutters. Mama’s boy is out to change the status-quo. Whatever that would mean in the long run, at this moment I’m totally  looking forward to next week when he would be away at school for a couple of hours every morning and I’ll get to experience those laid back mornings that I’ve been dreaming about for a long time. Wishful thinking, eh?


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Rajiv said,

    Whats the status? Are you getting the “me-time” now?

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